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Dance N2 LIFE
Newsletter Brit Anders 360-927-2454 www.insightsoftheheart.com |
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April 22, 2011 |
Volume 2 |
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What can Dance teach us about being
Lonely?
When one goes to a dance, one wishes
to be on the floor, caught up in the movement and energy of the music and
totally present so that the problems of daily life can be temporarily
forgotten. However, many times all but the most skills of dancers wind up
sitting WAY more than they would wish. Watching others being asked to dance
while we just sit often leads to self depreciating thoughts and judgments
about the character of others. As we sit, our minds stewing, the body begins
to show how the mind is thinking; arms cross, legs cross, shoulders hunch a
little, we may even angle the body away from the dancing, even though what we
want most is to be asked to dance. Since others cannot read our minds, our
closed body posture and negative, judgmental thought processes put out a
warning sign to potential partners, “APPROACH AT YOUR OWN RISK!” Thus,
subconsciously, we push away the very events that we most wish to gain, the
fun and joy of a happy partner. Away from the dance scene, the same
process is in action. We may approach the idea of relationship with
enthusiasm, but if one is not quickly forthcoming, the “inner critic” begins
to kick in and judge us. As we start to acknowledge these unpleasant
thoughts, we open the door for other thoughts that are on the same level to
come in. Negative thoughts are like potato chips, hard to indulge in just
one. As these thought circulate throughout our mind/body system, we begin to
subconsciously build the DO NOT DISTRUB sign that warns others away from us
and so block ourselves from the very partnership we seek. Whereas, when we
were feeling good about ourselves, getting dressed and going dancing (or to
work, or a club or…) was easy, with the onset of the inner critic gaining
power within the mind, doing such things become a greater and greater chore. So, perhaps we are able to muster
enough courage to go, once we get there if something doesn’t happen in the
first few minutes, the inner critic says, “See? I told you so.” And suddenly,
the system shuts down while turning up the power of the Do Not Disturb sign.
EXACTLY opposite of what we want to happen! As I see it and have experienced it,
there are two possible ways for a positive outcome to result from this
process: 1) One gets SO fed up with the
negativity that one makes a firm decision to find out the cause, no matter
how difficult it may be, and reverse the thought processes. This is the
course of personal responsibility. In dance terms, it means deciding to
make becoming a more skilled dancer a priority and investing the money and time
required to learn. In matters of the heart, it means
finding a guide who can lead one to gaze within one’s own mind and find those
issues that lead to the negative thoughts and attitudes. It means taking a
naked look at the events of the childhood, the scary places of the mind, and
staying with it until all vestiges of pain and hurt are purged from the
mind/body complex. Few take this route to it’s conclusion. It is only for the
brave or the desperate. 2) One can hope that some brave and
altruistic soul will see through our Do Not Touch Me signs and will boldly step
forth and offer to drag us out of the depths of our internal misery. This is
the “Save me” path. Of course, this doesn’t lead to a full partnership
because one is concerned about what will happen ‘after this dance is over,
what then?’ This partner will leave and there we’ll be, stuck on the
sidelines again. Because one is thinking about one’s own plight, one
maintains the Do Not Disturb sign by not being fully present with the partner
one directly in front of us. This non-present attitude has the effect of pushing away
the partner because we are not “listening” with our whole body to what our
partner is trying to express. No one wants to be around someone who won’t
listen! However ineffecient, this method of dealing with the situation is the most
common. On the course of personal
responsibility, one learns that it is our thoughts that control our emotions
and our experience of the world around us. By changing the nature of our
thought processes, we are able change the whole of our experience of life.
Toward this end, one might write out on a 4x6 index card affirmations about
how we would wish to view ourselves: “I am a sought-after dancer. People love
dancing with me. I am happy and attentive on and off the floor. I am skilled
in the communication of dance. I am always on the dance floor. Etc.” Every statement
begins with the words, “I AM”. Remember, in the Bible, God says His name is
“I AM” so anything that follows those words is talking about a divine spark
of God. After making the card, one carries it
in the pocket or purse and reads it to oneself over and over again, with
feeling and intent. It helps to look oneself in the eye in a mirror while
saying it with conviction. Yes, it will seem like a lie at first, but the box
step seems difficult at first, yet because one has faith in the teacher or
method of learning one continues to try and soon, the Box Step is easy. Even
that original faith is more an act of will than true belief. The method of
affirmation works and I, Brit, put my reputation behind it. A belief is just
a thought repeated over and over again. So why not input the thoughts one
wishes to believe? Over and over throughout the day, read the affirmations on
the card and soon, one will begin to see a positive change in one’s thinking
patterns. Find a teacher, take lessons, do
research. There is so much information in the world today available through
the internet. Read books like, “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert,
“Non-Violent Communication” by Marshall Rosenburg and “Loving What Is” by
Byron Katie (www.thework.org). Become
WORTHY (within your own mind) of the person you wish to attract in your life.
Above all, DO NOT GIVE UP! The difference between someone who fails and
someone who succeeds is ONE TRY. My mother had a saying posted on a board in
her kitchen for years, “Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run
over if you just sit there.” As for the second way: Lightning does
strike, but rarely is one pleased with the results. There is a definition for
insanity that comes to mind, “Doing the same thing over and over while
expecting a different result.” If you do choose to go forward this way, you
may find it helpful to open the body to accept communication. And if you are
truly lucky, the second way will lead you to the first. May these words bring benefit and may
you find enjoyment and satisfying partnerships on, and off, the dance floor.
(If you can find someplace that ISN’T a dance floor!) Feel free to contact me for more tips
on how to follow the path of personal responsibility or to schedule private
sessions in Dance N2 Life. Please pass
this Newsletter on to anyone you feel might enjoy it. My email list is
private and will remain that way. If you wish to be removed from the list,
simply reply with “Remove” in the subject line. Though these Newsletters are
free, if you wish to show your appreciate or support in a monetary way, you
can do so with PayPal on my website. www.insightsoftheheart.com About Brit (Headline Version)
I ran away from home while still
quite young and traveled all over the US. During this time, I supported
myself through busking with balloons, mime, and slight of hand magic. Working
odd jobs and even dancing for a while as an erotic dancer at several well-known
clubs, sometimes living in mansions, sometimes on the street, it was a very
interesting time to be sure. J For as long as I can remember,
though, I have been interested in teaching. Before I learned to couple dance,
I taught children through the agency of entertainment with balloons, magic,
and clowning. With my introduction to couple-dancing in 1985 in Cincinnati, I
was hooked; a dance teacher for life. I studied vigorously and persistently
for the first several years, often spending 16-18 hours per day practicing or
teaching. I only briefly flirted with the idea of competing, but my love was
most firmly in teaching, not competing, and I have never regretted my
decision to focus on teaching. Much has happened in the 26 years since I first stepped on the couple dance floor. Learning to teach dance required me to study psychology, interpersonal communications – I am dedicated to learning so that I may better serve – and most importantly, myself. This self-study was boosted when I began a meditation practice in my early 30’s. Watching people grow in dance has
fascinated me since day one and so I have specialized in teaching beginning
and intermediate dancers. This requires a certain set of skills in order to
break down the information into something the student can relate to. This, in
turn, has led me to the knowledge that EVERYTHING is couple dance-related. I
can think of no instance in a person’s life that cannot be related to couple
dance. For more information about me,
please visit my website. I offer private and group
instruction, drawing on knowledge from three different syllabi. You can
download a free copy of my book, “Yes. You CAN Dance” HERE. |
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Dag
Hammarskjold (Swedish Statesman and United Nations official, 1905-1961)